I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
