Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sext me about skeletons
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
