oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
