i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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