She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
