toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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