What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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