do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
