Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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