your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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