Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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