My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
