Where is the hickey?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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