i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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