Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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