all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want nice things and good sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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