i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize