I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
