im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
