I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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