eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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