and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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