she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
