Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
