I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
