omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
