Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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