listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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