There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
