i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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