I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
