I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
