we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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