cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
