I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
