Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
