youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My cat gives me a boner
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
