C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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