sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
