I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
