maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
