I am spending my child support on dildos
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
