Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize