i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
