yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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