what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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