Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
