Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
