dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
