so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
