FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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