Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Blood and glitter go together right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
