Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
