Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
