Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
