When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
