Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
