He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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