Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
