were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
