nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
