you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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