That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
