so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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