I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
