I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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