If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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