you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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