My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
