You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She bit a glass in half.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
