Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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