i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
