Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
